"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
-Andrew Largeman Garden State

This little ramble is really relivant to my life. I left my home two years ago and have been searching for it ever since then. I turned my back on my family and when I returned my family was in dismay. Now I have a shell of what they were. My mother and sister are voices on a phone. My dad is blind to his childrens suffering. My brother is there for me and yet he is an emotional train wreck. He latches on to his pain to drive him to wake up. He wakes not to enjoy life but instead to hate it. Its as though he only breathes to spite himself. His suffering is his life. Me...well now I have been so fucking numb for so long that I usually cant tell the difference between being normal and being sad. My depression has taken over my normality. Only recently have I stopped hurting. Only recently have I been able to cry again, to feel emotion, to be alive. I totally hit rock bottom this summer and have been slowly crawling out of my own hell. Now I'm doing better don't get me wrong. I have the girl of my dreams, My family, though not what I had always imagined it to be, is there. I think most of all what i realized is that I have my life. Yupp thats it thats all there is. My life, it may suck, it may hurt, but its real and its mine and right now I guess I wouldnt trade it for anything. Yes that last part I hate to admit to myself sometimes but its the truth. You will see in my writing that my life is my inspiration. So like life, my writing will vary depending on how my life is. I guess thats it for now IM me to know more.




"I owe this to my Artist <3 you forever."